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8 things you're bound to see and hear at every panto

“OH NO HE DIDN’T!” “OH YES HE DID!”
Jan 3rd 2015, 4:07 PM 17,424 3

IT’S PANTO SEASON, and every theatre and town hall in the land is currently full of fairytale creatures, Z-list Irish celebrities, and men in brightly coloured wigs.

Panto is wonderful in that it rarely ever changes. Really. After years and years, the following things are still panto stalwarts:

1. The token celebrity guest

jedward-beauty-panto-event Source: Olympia

You can’t move in Pantoland for seeing Jedward, Linda Martin, or Twink. It’s just the way it is.

2. Staff peddling these things

6 Source: Novelty Imports

And kids in a huff because their parents won’t buy one for them.

3. Questionable covers of pop hits

Source: Wayne Burns/YouTube

With all sorts of references to the plot (or local jokes) shoehorned in.

Yes, that song above is a cover of Barry Manilow’s Copacabana, with the lyrics modified to tell the tale of a local supermarket.

4. Terrible special effects

Chrstmas Pantos Cinderella Jedward making a very convincing show of fighting each other in the 2011 Olympia Theatre panto Source: Sasko Lazarov/Photocall Ireland

STROBE LIGHTING. JUST USE ALL THE STROBE LIGHTING.

5. Innuendo-laden dirty jokes for the parents

Adults be like:

giphy Source: Giphy

Kids be like:

britney-confused-gif Source: Wordpress

6. A subplot that has nothing to do with the fairy tale

Robinson Crusoe and the Ca Samantha Mumba in costume for Robinson Crusoe in 2011 Source: Mark Stedman/Photocall Ireland

“Barbie the Panto Dame is lonely! Aww!”

…Wait. Isn’t this supposed to be Aladdin?

7. “HE’S BEHIND YOU!”

.  This year for the very f Source: Sasko Lazarov/Photocall Ireland

Panto IS audience participation. Join in or get out.

And 8. Alan Hughes

Jack And The Beanstalk Pantos Source: Sam Boal/Photocall Ireland

Sammy Sausages, we love you.

Tesco is already selling Easter eggs>

‘Let It Go’ is this little boy’s JAM>

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Valerie Loftus

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